Bruised

He Raped me continuously when no one was home - how do I face the stigma of having an abortion?

They say my mum dropped me by their doorstep when I was 3. I can barely tell how she looks like or what being with her felt like. Mama Bisi took me in. I spend most of my days cleaning and cooking. Her 3 children have the luxury of living like kings and queens. If I am not on the parlour floor sitting to watch a movie (which I was hardly allowed to), I am sleeping on a wrapper on the floor in the parlour.

On this fateful night, Mama Bisi had gone for vigil, while her first two children were away in the university. Her last son was watching a movie up until 1am. being that I was barely allowed to watch tv when Mama was around, I jumped at the opportunity. before I could tell what was happening, Fade had his arms around me and before I could blink, had defiled me. This became a ritual every night, no one was home.

I had missed my period and couldn't understand how my body was feeling. It all seemed weird for it had never happened to me before. I did not know anything about pregnancy or procreation as I was just a 16 year old in my Jss1. I ran to Sister Maria's house, a  neighbour who had soon become my friend. she had two children at the time so it didn't take her 5 mins to detect I was pregnant.

I was devastated. All my dreams of being a doctor came shattering down on my face. Sister Maria followed me home that evening after I had cried and cried my eyes out. She related the issue to Mama Bisi, who resulted to running abuses on me. Her son denied it but she knew he was lying. The next day Mama Bisi took me to have an abortion.

I am 23 now and I still live with Mama Bisi. Yes, still suffering. Every day, I see my baby in my dreams. I can not get over the stigma of what Fade did to me. Worst still. I can't get over the guilt of killing my own baby.